the truth about breastfeeding.

Listen up. I'm about to give it to you straight about a topic that has gotten all types of attention throughout history...Breastfeeding. Talking about this may weird a lot of people out, but it's my blog and I'll ramble if I want to! So here we go.

 Let me start by saying that I think that breastfeeding is one of the most miraculous things that God has ever created. The ability to grow and sustain another human life solely on milk produced by a mother's body is nothing short of amazing. I am reminded of this every time I look at my gigantic baby who clearly is getting everything and more that he needs in the food department. Breastfeeding now, after having practiced it for almost 3 months, is so natural and relaxing. Selfishly for me, I treasure the time that I get to spend with Lucas while he is nursing. No matter how crazy the day is or how many people we have in the house, I get to steal him away and just sit and soak in all of his cuteness, just me. I get to stare at him for upwards of 30 minutes with no interruptions! I get to see those long eyelashes start to blink slowly as he drifts into a milk coma. I get to see him pause every so often to offer up a grin. Another selfish reason I think breastfeeding is awesome is for my own health benefit. Did you know that a nursing mom burns at least 500 calories a day just producing breastmilk? I was floored when I learned that! So that baby weight? Gone. And then some. And for Lucas, he is getting the perfect blend of nutrients and fat and antibodies. Everything he needs to grow and develop in a perfect way that is far beyond my control. Another benefit, it's free! Have you seen the cost of infant formula these days? Enough said.

 As wonderful as breastfeeding is now, I will be honest with you...it's hard work. At the beginning, I thought that it would immediately be the most natural and easy thing. Not even close! It was awkward. There were times when I thought I was going to drop Lucas when the lactation consultants were trying to get him into a good position. And in the beginning, ouch! It hurt! We had our fair share of hurdles once we got home. We got to experience a plugged milk duct. Then later, mastitis. It was miserable. I was frustrated. I was exhausted. I was confused at how this was supposed to be 'natural.' I had these weird feelings about pumping, which I had to do early on because of the mastitis and some other issues. I have a Medela "Pump-in-Style" breast pump. What a dumb name for a pump! Now, I love this pump. But there is nothing stylish about being hooked up to a machine that makes you feel like a milking station. I'm just saying. And the sleep...in the middle of the night, when your little baby is hungry, there isn't much daddy can do. Another tough spot for me was the fact that I now hated the way the majority of my clothes fit. I had these 2 new very large accessories that weren't looking so great in my outfits! Petty, I know. All in all, it was a very difficult adjustment at first. But with lots of support and encouragement, we made it over the hurdles and now it's an enjoyable experience.

 We live in a culture today that I think is a bit confused by breastfeeding. Throughout history, breastfeeding has been a 'fad' that seems to come and go. What used to be a natural thing for moms to do that was not perceived as a big deal at all has morphed over time into a beast of an issue. I was reading a few articles online about how breastfeeding has changed in our culture and laughed out loud when I read reference to a group of people called 'lactivists.' It's referring to a group of people who fight for the rights of breastfeeding moms. Do I think these rights are important? Of course! Do I think there needs to be a group named 'lactivists' who staged nurse-ins at places like Applebees and on Delta flights a few years ago in response to poor treatment of nursing moms? Not particularly. While I do think that action needed to take place to stand up for the mom that was kicked off of a Delta flight for breastfeeding and for the mom that was asked to leave Applebees for nursing her baby in a booth, I'm not so sure that 'nurse-ins' are the best choice. Granted, it got their point across, but come on. I just think that people need to quit making such a big deal about it. It's not a 'power to the people' issue.  If a mom wants to modestly nurse her baby in public, let her! Don't think twice about it!  It's a natural act that should just happen with no fuss. Did you see the recent cover of Time Magazine? If you missed it, here it is:

I'm sorry, but this makes me so sad. Not the fact that the mom is nursing a 4 year old. If you want to do that, by all means go ahead. That's not the issue. It's the title... Are you mom enough? Really? This breaks my heart. What about the moms who can't breastfeed? There are many reasons why it might not be possible. Because they have to give their baby formula, does that make them less of a mom? Or what about the moms who have adopted babies? They can't breastfeed. They are just as much of a mom as I am, even though their baby wasn't born out of their womb. What are you saying about them? What about the babies who have such severe allergies that they can't take breastmilk? I see that all the time at my work. Often times these moms are devastated to find out that they need to stop nursing and put their baby on a special formula for their baby's health. Are these moms not 'mom enough' because of this? No! Publicity on breastfeeding such as this magazine cover is doing more harm than good. World, quit making it such an issue! Of course I am pro breastfeeding. I am happy that there are laws that protect me when I need to feed Lucas if we're out in public. Do I whip it all out and walk around bare boobed in public because the law says it's okay? Absolutely not. I cover myself and try to feed him in as private of a place as possible. I'm happy that places like the hospital I work at are pro breastfeeding. When I had Lucas, I had lactation consultants lined up waiting to help me and teach me. My coworkers are very supportive of me needing time during my work shifts to pump. But this whole concept of extreme lactivists (which may be one of my new favorite words) is ridiculous. Just let nursing moms be. Support them, love on them, encourage them, but don't make it a spectacle. I feel like there is so much more I want to say about breastfeeding, but I'm just not sure how. If you're reading this and you are a new breastfeeding mom, hang in there! There were times when it would have been so easy to quit. But I'm SO glad I didn't. It's worth it.

lake weekend

Last weekend, we got to rest and relax at Lake James.  Brandon's mom and dad have a great place on the lake, and we got to bring Lucas for the first time!  Although the trip was short, we got to spend time with both his parents and my parents, and Lucas got lots of loving per usual.  And Lexi?  She is in heaven here.  I think these pictures sum up our trip pretty well!  

Lucas and daddy down on the beach.
Note Lexi already swimming!

Lucas's reaction to the lake...
No, the water isn't that cold, I'm
not a bad mommy I promise! He started
to be okay in the water until Lexi
splashed him.

Napping on the back porch
soaking up the crisp mountain air

Sleepy guy in the moby wrap

Savannah, Lily, and Carly
came to visit!

Lexi jumping into the lake

Lucas and his Nana

All the kids, including Lexi fetching what looks like
a small tree...

We love the lake!  This is the life!

a day at the park.

Since I work 3 days a week and Brandon works 3 days a week, we usually only have that remaining 1 day for all 3 of us to spend together.  Today, we ventured over to Raleigh and picked up some fresh squeezed orange-ade from the farmer's market and then went over to Pullen Park.  First of all, if you have never had the orange-ade from the farmer's market, you are missing out big time!  It's delicious.  They also do lemonade, limeade, and a blend of the 3.  The orange is my favorite.  They put orange, lemon, and lime slices in it and a couple of cherries....mmmm.  My mouth waters just thinking about it!  We picked some up and headed over to the park.  Pullen Park was just recently redone, and it's so nice now!  They have great walking paths around the lake, plenty of places to sit and watch the paddle boats, and the cute little train track that goes all around the park.  There's also an indoor carousel and a great playground.  We put Lucas in the stroller and started walking around the lake, looking for a good place to sit and relax (and so I could feed the little chunker.)  We watched the train and the ducks and geese.  It was such a lovely afternoon.

This is his "feed me NOW" face

Now he's a happy baby

It was a little bright, hard to keep our eyes open

We are trying to be intentional in hanging out as a family on our day together instead of just lounging around the house.  It's so fun getting out and showing Lucas the world, especially before it gets to be 100 degrees around here :)

an ode to my baby daddy

I need to take a minute to brag on Brandon.  Not just because we celebrated his birthday this week, (HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!) but because I feel like it's overdue and he deserves it!  I knew Brandon was going to be a great dad from the minute I met him.  I wasn't sure exactly how his overly-intelligent mind would do reasoning with kids who just aren't as smart as him (like when he tried to reason with our then 4-year old niece, Lily, on how the structure of her lego house wouldn't hold up because it wasn't symmetrical....yeah....) But he's come a long way :)  From the minute I peed on that stick and the positive 2 lines showed up, he ran around fist pumping the air while I stared at it in shock and told him maybe I should pee on another.  At that moment, as a billion thoughts were racing through my head, I was reminded that I had one heck of a baby daddy. 

There are tons of reasons why I love this man, but here are a few:

- he loves Jesus like nobody's business.

- he's smart.  I mean really smart.

- he's funny.

- he's pretty darn good looking.

- he's a hard worker.

- he helps cook and clean.
- he has the funniest conversations with Lucas.

- he knows how to fix things.

- he researches stuff like a maniac...this was exceptionally amazing when it came to reading baby books.  While he read all about sleep schedules and made charts on them (I kid you not), I read absolutely nothing and just look to him for the answers.  Score.

- he prays daily for me, Lucas, our family, our friends, our ministry, our neighbors, and our world.

- he leads our family spiritually.  

- he loves our dog.

- he loves our baby.

- he loves me.

Brandon has completely embraced his role of being a dad.  From changing diapers to feeding and playing with Lucas, he is quite the Mr. Mom on the days that I am at work! He is completely smitten by our little boy, and that makes my heart happy.  To see him delight in our son is a blessing.      

Here are a few of my recent favorite pictures of him:

One of the first pictures of him holding his
precious son. I love that Lucas is already looking
at him with love and admiration.

At our first pediatrician's appointment when
Lucas was 3 days old. Brandon got puked on!

I still love him even though he tries to
corrupt our son into being a wolfpack fan...

Reading with daddy

Changing a diaper with Lexi's help

Lucas wants to be just like his daddy when
he grows up!

Rocking the ergo baby carrier

Lucas loves his daddy

I told you he was good looking!

Holding his son

This picture makes my heart want to explode.
The way Brandon is looking at our son is
priceless.

We went to see Wicked at DPAC on his birthday, it was amazing!

There aren't enough words to express how thankful I am for having Brandon as my husband and Lucas's daddy.  HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!  We love you!

she works hard for the money.

Well guys, I survived.  And it wasn't THAT bad.  (For those of you who are a little out of the loop, my last post was me complaining about going back to work.  I'm just keeping it real, here.)  I think a few things helped make my transition back into work easier...first and most importantly, I had friends and family members lifting me, Brandon, and Lucas up in prayer yesterday.  Let me tell y'all, I felt it.  Granted, I did whine and complain throughout the day about missing my little boy, but I felt at peace with being back at the hospital.  Did I enjoy being at work?  I wouldn't go so far as to say that...but seriously, the few days leading up to my first shift back, I had these panicky feelings.  I felt guilty about leaving Lucas and was having fears of being labeled a 'bad mom' for going back to work.  Brandon is an amazing dad, don't get me wrong, but I worried about him staying sane while I was gone for 14 hours.  But all of those feelings were suppressed and tucked away when it came time for me to walk out of the door yesterday morning.  So to all of you who prayed for us, THANK YOU.  Secondly, I got a good night of sleep the night before.  Lucas had a great night, I think he knew his mama needed it more than he did.  Also, the girls at work went out of their way to welcome me back.  They made signs and hung them around the unit that said things like "welcome back mama Ash!" and "we missed you" and things like that.  Sweet?  Yes.  My patients were pretty delightful, too, and the day wasn't too crazy.  I had time to pump and eat and things like that.  And, everyone at work put up with me obsessively showing pictures of our little ham.  I was "that mom" and beamed with pride with every picture I showed. Finally, Brandon survived and doesn't seem too traumatized!  I only called twice and texted once (requesting a picture) while I was gone.  I'd say that's pretty good, right?  He sounded very calm and collected when I talked to him, and the picture he sent me was of Lucas peacefully napping in his bouncy seat.  Do I think that's really how the day went?  Not a chance.  Brandon was exhausted when I got home, but held it together for me and acted like it was the best day in the world.  I walked in the door and he was grilling burgers on the back porch with Lucas strapped to him in the Moby wrap, already in his jammies.  At this point, it was 8:00 which is time time for his last feeding and bedtime, so little man was at his breaking point.  I ran upstairs and jumped in the shower to wash off the hospital kiddie germs, then grabbed my sweet boy to kiss him.  When I kissed his cute little head, he smelled like hamburgers from being by the grill.  I had to laugh.  I come home and find my sweet boy smelling like straight up beef after a day with daddy.  Appropriate, isn't it?  So then we went upstairs, he ate, and went right to sleep.  WHEW.  What a day for everyone.

goodbye, maternity leave.

How can it be that time already?  Tomorrow is the day that I return to work.  Don't get me wrong, I love my job.  I'm a good nurse.  I love the kiddos I take care of.  I love the people I work with and the institution I work for.  I'm thankful to call my coworkers my friends and for the love and support they have shown us during my pregnancy and during my time off.  I'll be honest, I'm pretty nervous about going back to work.  12 hour shifts are long and hard.  Before Lucas was born, those shifts often wiped me out.  Now I'm going to do them on considerably less sleep...uh oh.  Also, there are so many details to figure out.  For those of you who know me well, you know that I'm pretty type-A.  Ok, I'm really type-A.  I like predictability and plans.  Surprises?  Not really a fan of them.  So far, I think we're doing okay on scheduling plans.  Brandon is in the office 2 days a week and of course on Sundays, and my work allows us to self schedule ourselves.  For this first schedule, we have it worked out so Brandon will be home with Lucas on the days that I work, and one week my mom is coming to watch Lucas when we both have to work the same days.  Needless to say, I'm SO thankful that we have that worked out so far.  Will it always work out?  I doubt it.  But for now, knowing that either Brandon or my mom will be home with Lucas while I can't be is comforting.  Another semi-stressful thing for me to figure out is how exactly to pump at work.  Breastfeeding has been one of the most rewarding and joyful experiences of my life.  It's something I want to eventually do a post on.  But on those 12 hour days, Lucas will be eating from a bottle, of course.  Thankfully, he does great with a bottle and I already have a good stash of milk in the freezer for him.  I think it's harder on me than it is on him :)  So I will pump before I leave for work, then a few times throughout the day at work.  As long as I get home from work on time, I will be able to nurse him just in time for his bedtime.  At work, I'm going to have to be diligent to make time to pump, even if the day is crazy busy. One of my nurse friends went so far to make sure I'm all set up to pump while at work, sending me a detailed email of how the work pump works and putting parts for me in my locker, all before I even step foot back on the floor!  

I know it will be fine.  And I know that Brandon will be great at home with Lucas on those long days (and send me plenty of pictures!)  I love my job.  And I LOVE being Lucas's mom.  We'll figure out how to do both, together.  

Want some pictures? I know you do!  Here are a few from playtime.  Enjoy!

2 month stats

Oh.my.goodness.  I can't believe Lucas is 2 months old! He had his checkup yesterday and got rave reviews from his lovely pediatrician.  

Drumroll please...

Weight: 13 lbs. 10 oz. (93rd percentile...hehehe.)

Length: 24 inches (70th percentile)

Head circumference: 41 cm (80th percentile)

He also got his 2 month vaccinations, which was SO hard for this peds-nurse-turned-mommy to watch.  Break my heart, why don't you?  He cried (screamed until his face turned purple) for the longest 5 seconds of my life until the nurse was finished and I picked him up.  See his silver sparkly bandaids in the picture?  Chicks dig the war wounds.  For the rest of the day he was a bit fussy and sleepy.  He wanted to be extra snuggly, which was ok with me.  I gave him tylenol before we went to the appointment and then for the rest of the afternoon, and I think that helped some.   

So what else has he been up to, you ask?  Here are a few highlights:

* Clearly, the boy still loves to eat, as evidenced by the 93rd percentile weight mentioned above.

* Sleep is getting better.  I plan to do a post sometime soon about how we have been getting into a sleep schedule.  For now, let's just say we're making progress!  (Progress, that is, when little man decides to just.give.in. and go to sleep.  He's pretty darn good at fighting it.) We are down to just one nighttime feeding where I only nurse him for 3 or 4 minutes before he goes back down to sleep.  Hallelujah.

* He continues to love tummy time and enjoys pushing up on his elbows to look around.

* That hair...still has mohawk tendencies.

* His eyes are still changing, sometimes they still have that baby gray color, but they are looking pretty brown more often.  There are days when they have a tint of blue, but I think he's going to take after his mama and have big brown eyes.

* He has discovered his tongue, which is hilarious.  He will stick it out and make lizard faces, especially in response to us sticking our tongues out.

* He's fighting a little bit of eczema on his cheeks and one spot on the inside of his right wrist.  We got some hydrocortisone cream from the pediatrician yesterday and have already seen some improvement.

* We have made huge progress on bath time!  Remember me saying how much he hated be naked and taking baths in this post?  Well, we are past that.  He actually doesn't mind hanging out in just a diaper, and baths have become enjoyable!  He loves to be in the water.

* He loves hanging out in the Moby wrap or the Ergo carrier, both genius inventions that allow mommies and daddies to be productive when baby wants to be near you.

* He gets the hiccups at least twice a day, and it makes him SO mad.

* SMILES.  Oh my, they make me melt into a puddle of sweetness.  He is very quick to give out smiles, especially after he wakes up in the morning.  When he makes eye contact, his little face lights up with happiness and a huge grin.  Mornings are definitely his happiest part of the day...where did he get that from??  He wakes up smiling and cooing every day, it's incredible.

* Talking.  He carries on the funniest little 'conversations' of coos and babbles.  It's really amazing how he responds to you talking back to him.  One of my favorite things is watching him talk to his daddy.  They have the funniest little talks, I love it.

* We are well into 3 month clothes. I had to suppress sad feelings when I put away some of his newborn and 0-3 month clothes and remind myself to be thankful that he is growing so well. 

* We are still in size 1 diapers, but barely.  I think it will be only a matter of days before that big booty can't be contained in the 1's.  We're trying to hold out until the rest of our gro-vias get shipped to us!

Lucas, you are growing up so fast.  We are so proud of you and are so thankful that you bring us so much joy.  We love you!!!