Written by my sweet mom, Becky Hymel:
My tribute to our sweet Linda
Since Linda's funeral last week, I have had many requests to post the tribute that I wrote for and read at her service. There are no words that fully express everything Linda meant to us. But this was the best I could do.
_______________________________________________________________________
Linda Paulette Shirley was born March 26, 1949 right here in Spartanburg. She was the first born pride and joy of our parents, Red and Lucy Shirley, who were also born and raised right here.
I can’t tell you about Linda without first telling you about our parents. They were 19 and 20years old when Linda was born. They were simple, trusting, and relied solely on themselves, their loving parents, and God. I remember Mama telling me that they thought Linda was the most perfect baby ever born. They loved her with a love that only moms and dads can understand. In 1949, little was known about Trisomy 21 or Downs Syndrome. Mom and Dad didn’t see anything wrong or different about Linda except for the fact that Linda didn’t eat well, couldn’t gain weight, and was very late on most milestones like holding her head up, sitting up, crawling and walking. During this time, it truly took the entire village to raise Linda. Our grandmother, Mama Lowry, brewed concoctions of Pet milk, Karo syrup, and who knows what else. Our daddy’s sister-in-law Evelyn,and my mom’s best friend, Agnes (both of who are here today) helped nurture Linda, too.
It wasn’t until Linda was nearly two years old that a doctor told Mom and Dad that Linda was “mongoloid”. He said that these children don’t live long and they never have any quality of life or fit into society. The advice was to put her away in a group home for retarded children. Well, Red Shirley was appalled by this. He told that doctor straight up that this was his little girl and that she was staying home with them!
Around this time, our parents had some friends whose child died. They watched this young family struggle and suffer both emotionally and financially through a funeral for their sweet child. This struck home with Mom and Dad and, now realizing that Linda was truly not healthy, neither mentally and physically, they purchased burial plots right out here in Greenlawn where Mom and Dad have been laid to rest. Back then you had to buy plots in twos, so they bought four, knowing that Linda would always be with them. Linda’s body will be placed at Daddy’s feet today.
I think our parents were so brave. It was probably more naive than brave, but I choose to believe it was brave. You see,statistically, Downs Syndrome children are born to mothers of advanced age. Remember my mom was only 20 years old when Linda was born. Even after struggling through raising Linda, they decided to continue to grow our family. The next pregnancy resulted in miscarriage. Then in 1952, Steve was born, a red head that came into this world butt first and was covered in red fuzz! Another pregnancy after Steve resulted in a second miscarriage. Then in 1955, Andy was born, another red head. You know how proud Red Shirley was to have THREE red heads?! They must have wanted a big family, but another pregnancy ended in miscarriage. By this time, Mom and Dad were in their 30’s. Daddy’s newspaper career was taking off, and the family left Spartanburg to publish a newspaper in Alabama.
Then, in 1962… oops. I came into the world with… brown hair. But they decided to take me home anyway. Linda was 13 years old when Mamma brought me home. What in the world must she have thought?
I only remember Linda as basically an adult. By the time I was old enough to “play”, Linda had finished school and was working for her Pa, our dad, at the newspaper office.
Yes, Linda went to school. I have her report cards to prove it! She went to a “special” school, a school with other kids like her. Today, thankfully,children with mental disabilities are mainstreamed into public school. There have even been several Downs Syndrome Homecoming Queens across the nation. But when Linda was in school, the stigma remained…mongoloid…retarded. I’d like to read a letter that was written to my parents in October 1960 by the assistant professor of special education at Auburn University where Linda had been evaluated. She would have been 11 years old at the time.
“Dear Mr. and Mrs. Shirley:
It was a pleasure to have you on the Auburn campus. We enjoyed meeting you and your children.
Perhaps the recent medical report upset you. This is understandable. But as you both so wisely said, this does not change Linda. She is still the same child to you.
Our findings do substantiate what you had indicated. Linda does test in the educable mentally retarded category. On the basis of the individual psychological examination, she is eligible, according to Alabama state law, for placement in a special education class in the public schools.
Linda is not going to excel, particularly is this true in academics. She will be capable of limited academic achievement. With the strong home and cultural background that you have been able to provide, the road ahead will be smoother. However, she will need careful and almost constant supervision. At a time in the future, you might want to discuss this further. If possible, you should try and let her develop a degree of independence. In view of her limited ability, this will be difficult to do plus the fact that you have tended to shield her.
As a general rule, Linda will be more interested and perhaps capable of doing concrete activities and tasks rather than those of an abstract nature.”
Signed by the assistant professor of special education, State of Alabama.
Despite this grim outlook, Linda obviously continued to learn. I found a progress report from third grade dated May 27, 1963. That makes Linda 14 years old, but in thethird grade. Martha Wood, Linda’s teacher wrote “I believe Linda’s greatest progress has been in her ability to understand and follow written and oral directions. Her comprehension has taken a great jump upward, I think. Linda has a place in my heart that no one else will ever fill.”
Linda played. She loved all of her imaginary friends. I remember playing Roy Rogers and Dale Evans with her, riding imaginary Trigger with imaginary Bullet running at our sides. She could swim, she was the champion behind the boat on her surfboard,she has a championship trophy to PROVE that she is the very best at musical chairs. She could ride a bike…on two wheels.
We went to the beach ever summer. She loved the amusement park. Her favorite ride was the Tilt-a-Whirl. She was pretty good at that game you roll the ball up the alley into the different point circles. She always had the most tickets for a prize.
Linda was a HUGE New Orleans Saints fan. Even when the team was so bad, the fans wore paper bags over their heads to games and called the team the “Ain’ts”, Linda still cheered them on every Sunday, laying in front of the TV with all of her good luck charms.
Linda learned to read. She loved to read. She could write. She LOVED to write! Santa Claus got a personal hand-written letter from Linda EVERY year up until about 10 years ago. If you ever wanted or needed to know the score to ANY football game over the weekend, Linda had EVERY one written down. Linda could add, but she never quite got the hang of subtraction. She learned a little bit about money; correct change for a Coke machine or a sausage biscuit from Burger King for her and one person of honor every Friday. She was smart, though, when it came to money. Anytime anyone would playfully ask her for a loan, she never had enough to share. Except with God. She was faithful with her 10% tithe EVERY Sunday, without fail.
Linda taught Sunday School. Not in a literal teaching capacity, but she worked in the five-year-old Sunday School class at First Baptist Church in Morgan City for 30 years. She took role. She collected the children’s offerings and delivered the records to the church office. I often wonder about all of the sweet little five-year-olds that Linda came into contact with. I can’t help but believe that she taught them something just by being who she was. Linda knew every word to just about every hymn in that Baptist hymnal. She could recite Psalm 23 and the Christmas story, Luke 2 every Christmas. Our daddy made sure all four of us could do that.
Linda could tell time. She always wore a watch. She got herself out of bed every morning, picked out and halfway matched her own clothes. She dressed herself every day and took care of her own personal hygiene. She could fix herself simple meals in a toaster or microwave when those came out. She was master dish washer every weekend.
She made potholders. I’ll bet many of you here have some of her intricate, well thought-out patterned potholders. They last forever. She has painted thousands of paint-by-number paintings. A few are displayed here today. Steve, Andy, and I proudly have many displayed in our homes. And I have enough potholders to hand down to my children, my grandchildren and my great great grandchildren!
Linda was Maid of Honor at mine and Kevin’s wedding. She looked so pretty and did such a good job in her role. She even signed our marriage certificate. Yes, we are legally married, we checked with an attorney and he said it was legal!
Linda worked. She worked hard for Red Shirley at the newspaper. She inserted newspapers, stuffing one section into another, counting them out into stacks of 25. She kept the soda machine full of drinks. She collected empty soda cans off of everyone’s desks for recycling. She swept the pressroom floor. I remember seeing sweat dripping from her face sometimes. She had a desk at the newspaper office where she had stacks of magazines and catalogs. She very carefully and precisely cut out the pictures from these catalogs and filed them neatly into a box.
But probably Linda’s most important job at the newspaper office was turning everyone’s day-date calendars. Everyone knew when Linda was on vacation,because the calendars were still stuck on her last day before she left for vacation. That’s not good in the newspaper business. I wonder if there were ever any missed meetings or assignments?!
Steve and Jean took Linda to Disneyworld twice. The first time was for her 50thbirthday. She rode Splash Mountain. She went from zero to sixty on the Rockin Roller Coaster then upside down. She rode almost everything….except the Twilight Zone Tower of Terror. Jean wouldn’t let her. And Linda was not happy about that.
I am sure that Linda was able to exceed EVERYONE’s expectations because of the love and community that surrounded her as she grew up and grew older. She has defied the odds, living for 64 years. Mamma and Daddy did the best they could. I think they did a pretty good job.
When daddy died, something in Linda died. This is when we began to see a decline in Linda. Mama was heart-broken, too, over Daddy’s death. She did the best she could. But with Mom in her late 70’s and Linda in her late 50’s, the village had to step back in.
Steve and Jean have cared for Linda in their home since Mama died in 2008. None of us can ever know what this truly involves. Andy and I have helped, but always knowing that it was only a part time job for us. It has been a full time job for Steve and Jean. They have sacrificed much to carryout Daddy’s will for his little girl. I will be forever grateful for the loving, selfless care you gave.
You see, life had come full circle, so to speak. Just as when she was a baby, for the last 5-6years, Linda could no longer dress herself, bathe herself, feed herself, or even speak to us in understandable words. No more pain-by-numbers, no more pot holders. She couldn’t walk, work or play. Daddy wouldn’t hear of putting her “away” as a child. And rather than put her away in a nursing home, Linda remained at home.
Even as she declined, Steve and Jean got her out of bed every morning, put her in the shower and give her a REAL soap and washcloth shower. Her hair was washed regularly and dried. Jean continued to cut her hair stylishly. And she NEVER got ANY gray hairs! No fair! After shower, we put real clothes on her, not some moo moo or a hospital gown. She got a bra, shirt, pants, socks, and shoes. After her shower, she came to the breakfast table in her wheelchair for breakfast. She was fed breakfast as everyone else had breakfast. She sat in the living room in her recliner with the rest of the family. She came back to the table at lunchtime and again at dinnertime. She sat on the porch with family. She remained a part of the family. All of these things…extended Linda’s quality and quantity of life.
Linda’s life has truly enriched our lives. When the usual stuff that happens in families did happen, Linda was always our Rock. She brings us back to center. She reminds us of the honesty, the innocence, and child-like faith that we can all have if we just choose it.
Linda loved everyone. She especially loved her Ma and her Pa. She loved her Mama Lowry. She had an unusual understanding of Jesus and Heaven. They are all together now. She has met our three brothers and/or sisters in heaven that never had a chance to live on earth. Linda is finally WHOLE. She can do all of the things that specialists and society said she would never do…AND SO, SO MUCH MORE! Like Linda’s third grade teacher said, "Linda will have a place in my heart that no one else will ever fill”.
_______________________________________________________________________
Linda Paulette Shirley was born March 26, 1949 right here in Spartanburg. She was the first born pride and joy of our parents, Red and Lucy Shirley, who were also born and raised right here.
I can’t tell you about Linda without first telling you about our parents. They were 19 and 20years old when Linda was born. They were simple, trusting, and relied solely on themselves, their loving parents, and God. I remember Mama telling me that they thought Linda was the most perfect baby ever born. They loved her with a love that only moms and dads can understand. In 1949, little was known about Trisomy 21 or Downs Syndrome. Mom and Dad didn’t see anything wrong or different about Linda except for the fact that Linda didn’t eat well, couldn’t gain weight, and was very late on most milestones like holding her head up, sitting up, crawling and walking. During this time, it truly took the entire village to raise Linda. Our grandmother, Mama Lowry, brewed concoctions of Pet milk, Karo syrup, and who knows what else. Our daddy’s sister-in-law Evelyn,and my mom’s best friend, Agnes (both of who are here today) helped nurture Linda, too.
It wasn’t until Linda was nearly two years old that a doctor told Mom and Dad that Linda was “mongoloid”. He said that these children don’t live long and they never have any quality of life or fit into society. The advice was to put her away in a group home for retarded children. Well, Red Shirley was appalled by this. He told that doctor straight up that this was his little girl and that she was staying home with them!
Around this time, our parents had some friends whose child died. They watched this young family struggle and suffer both emotionally and financially through a funeral for their sweet child. This struck home with Mom and Dad and, now realizing that Linda was truly not healthy, neither mentally and physically, they purchased burial plots right out here in Greenlawn where Mom and Dad have been laid to rest. Back then you had to buy plots in twos, so they bought four, knowing that Linda would always be with them. Linda’s body will be placed at Daddy’s feet today.
I think our parents were so brave. It was probably more naive than brave, but I choose to believe it was brave. You see,statistically, Downs Syndrome children are born to mothers of advanced age. Remember my mom was only 20 years old when Linda was born. Even after struggling through raising Linda, they decided to continue to grow our family. The next pregnancy resulted in miscarriage. Then in 1952, Steve was born, a red head that came into this world butt first and was covered in red fuzz! Another pregnancy after Steve resulted in a second miscarriage. Then in 1955, Andy was born, another red head. You know how proud Red Shirley was to have THREE red heads?! They must have wanted a big family, but another pregnancy ended in miscarriage. By this time, Mom and Dad were in their 30’s. Daddy’s newspaper career was taking off, and the family left Spartanburg to publish a newspaper in Alabama.
Then, in 1962… oops. I came into the world with… brown hair. But they decided to take me home anyway. Linda was 13 years old when Mamma brought me home. What in the world must she have thought?
I only remember Linda as basically an adult. By the time I was old enough to “play”, Linda had finished school and was working for her Pa, our dad, at the newspaper office.
Yes, Linda went to school. I have her report cards to prove it! She went to a “special” school, a school with other kids like her. Today, thankfully,children with mental disabilities are mainstreamed into public school. There have even been several Downs Syndrome Homecoming Queens across the nation. But when Linda was in school, the stigma remained…mongoloid…retarded. I’d like to read a letter that was written to my parents in October 1960 by the assistant professor of special education at Auburn University where Linda had been evaluated. She would have been 11 years old at the time.
“Dear Mr. and Mrs. Shirley:
It was a pleasure to have you on the Auburn campus. We enjoyed meeting you and your children.
Perhaps the recent medical report upset you. This is understandable. But as you both so wisely said, this does not change Linda. She is still the same child to you.
Our findings do substantiate what you had indicated. Linda does test in the educable mentally retarded category. On the basis of the individual psychological examination, she is eligible, according to Alabama state law, for placement in a special education class in the public schools.
Linda is not going to excel, particularly is this true in academics. She will be capable of limited academic achievement. With the strong home and cultural background that you have been able to provide, the road ahead will be smoother. However, she will need careful and almost constant supervision. At a time in the future, you might want to discuss this further. If possible, you should try and let her develop a degree of independence. In view of her limited ability, this will be difficult to do plus the fact that you have tended to shield her.
As a general rule, Linda will be more interested and perhaps capable of doing concrete activities and tasks rather than those of an abstract nature.”
Signed by the assistant professor of special education, State of Alabama.
Despite this grim outlook, Linda obviously continued to learn. I found a progress report from third grade dated May 27, 1963. That makes Linda 14 years old, but in thethird grade. Martha Wood, Linda’s teacher wrote “I believe Linda’s greatest progress has been in her ability to understand and follow written and oral directions. Her comprehension has taken a great jump upward, I think. Linda has a place in my heart that no one else will ever fill.”
Linda played. She loved all of her imaginary friends. I remember playing Roy Rogers and Dale Evans with her, riding imaginary Trigger with imaginary Bullet running at our sides. She could swim, she was the champion behind the boat on her surfboard,she has a championship trophy to PROVE that she is the very best at musical chairs. She could ride a bike…on two wheels.
We went to the beach ever summer. She loved the amusement park. Her favorite ride was the Tilt-a-Whirl. She was pretty good at that game you roll the ball up the alley into the different point circles. She always had the most tickets for a prize.
Linda was a HUGE New Orleans Saints fan. Even when the team was so bad, the fans wore paper bags over their heads to games and called the team the “Ain’ts”, Linda still cheered them on every Sunday, laying in front of the TV with all of her good luck charms.
Linda learned to read. She loved to read. She could write. She LOVED to write! Santa Claus got a personal hand-written letter from Linda EVERY year up until about 10 years ago. If you ever wanted or needed to know the score to ANY football game over the weekend, Linda had EVERY one written down. Linda could add, but she never quite got the hang of subtraction. She learned a little bit about money; correct change for a Coke machine or a sausage biscuit from Burger King for her and one person of honor every Friday. She was smart, though, when it came to money. Anytime anyone would playfully ask her for a loan, she never had enough to share. Except with God. She was faithful with her 10% tithe EVERY Sunday, without fail.
Linda taught Sunday School. Not in a literal teaching capacity, but she worked in the five-year-old Sunday School class at First Baptist Church in Morgan City for 30 years. She took role. She collected the children’s offerings and delivered the records to the church office. I often wonder about all of the sweet little five-year-olds that Linda came into contact with. I can’t help but believe that she taught them something just by being who she was. Linda knew every word to just about every hymn in that Baptist hymnal. She could recite Psalm 23 and the Christmas story, Luke 2 every Christmas. Our daddy made sure all four of us could do that.
Linda could tell time. She always wore a watch. She got herself out of bed every morning, picked out and halfway matched her own clothes. She dressed herself every day and took care of her own personal hygiene. She could fix herself simple meals in a toaster or microwave when those came out. She was master dish washer every weekend.
She made potholders. I’ll bet many of you here have some of her intricate, well thought-out patterned potholders. They last forever. She has painted thousands of paint-by-number paintings. A few are displayed here today. Steve, Andy, and I proudly have many displayed in our homes. And I have enough potholders to hand down to my children, my grandchildren and my great great grandchildren!
Linda was Maid of Honor at mine and Kevin’s wedding. She looked so pretty and did such a good job in her role. She even signed our marriage certificate. Yes, we are legally married, we checked with an attorney and he said it was legal!
Linda worked. She worked hard for Red Shirley at the newspaper. She inserted newspapers, stuffing one section into another, counting them out into stacks of 25. She kept the soda machine full of drinks. She collected empty soda cans off of everyone’s desks for recycling. She swept the pressroom floor. I remember seeing sweat dripping from her face sometimes. She had a desk at the newspaper office where she had stacks of magazines and catalogs. She very carefully and precisely cut out the pictures from these catalogs and filed them neatly into a box.
But probably Linda’s most important job at the newspaper office was turning everyone’s day-date calendars. Everyone knew when Linda was on vacation,because the calendars were still stuck on her last day before she left for vacation. That’s not good in the newspaper business. I wonder if there were ever any missed meetings or assignments?!
Steve and Jean took Linda to Disneyworld twice. The first time was for her 50thbirthday. She rode Splash Mountain. She went from zero to sixty on the Rockin Roller Coaster then upside down. She rode almost everything….except the Twilight Zone Tower of Terror. Jean wouldn’t let her. And Linda was not happy about that.
I am sure that Linda was able to exceed EVERYONE’s expectations because of the love and community that surrounded her as she grew up and grew older. She has defied the odds, living for 64 years. Mamma and Daddy did the best they could. I think they did a pretty good job.
When daddy died, something in Linda died. This is when we began to see a decline in Linda. Mama was heart-broken, too, over Daddy’s death. She did the best she could. But with Mom in her late 70’s and Linda in her late 50’s, the village had to step back in.
Steve and Jean have cared for Linda in their home since Mama died in 2008. None of us can ever know what this truly involves. Andy and I have helped, but always knowing that it was only a part time job for us. It has been a full time job for Steve and Jean. They have sacrificed much to carryout Daddy’s will for his little girl. I will be forever grateful for the loving, selfless care you gave.
You see, life had come full circle, so to speak. Just as when she was a baby, for the last 5-6years, Linda could no longer dress herself, bathe herself, feed herself, or even speak to us in understandable words. No more pain-by-numbers, no more pot holders. She couldn’t walk, work or play. Daddy wouldn’t hear of putting her “away” as a child. And rather than put her away in a nursing home, Linda remained at home.
Even as she declined, Steve and Jean got her out of bed every morning, put her in the shower and give her a REAL soap and washcloth shower. Her hair was washed regularly and dried. Jean continued to cut her hair stylishly. And she NEVER got ANY gray hairs! No fair! After shower, we put real clothes on her, not some moo moo or a hospital gown. She got a bra, shirt, pants, socks, and shoes. After her shower, she came to the breakfast table in her wheelchair for breakfast. She was fed breakfast as everyone else had breakfast. She sat in the living room in her recliner with the rest of the family. She came back to the table at lunchtime and again at dinnertime. She sat on the porch with family. She remained a part of the family. All of these things…extended Linda’s quality and quantity of life.
Linda’s life has truly enriched our lives. When the usual stuff that happens in families did happen, Linda was always our Rock. She brings us back to center. She reminds us of the honesty, the innocence, and child-like faith that we can all have if we just choose it.
Linda loved everyone. She especially loved her Ma and her Pa. She loved her Mama Lowry. She had an unusual understanding of Jesus and Heaven. They are all together now. She has met our three brothers and/or sisters in heaven that never had a chance to live on earth. Linda is finally WHOLE. She can do all of the things that specialists and society said she would never do…AND SO, SO MUCH MORE! Like Linda’s third grade teacher said, "Linda will have a place in my heart that no one else will ever fill”.
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